Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 41243

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Anxiety Attack? Feeling down (loooooooooong)

Posted by Rach on July 23, 2000, at 11:25:02

Hi guys,
In case you don't know or remember, I am a uni student studying Psychology (isn't that ironic!) Recently, I found an ad for a job being a therapist for a 2 1/2 yr old autistic boy, implementing the ABA program. I have a cousin who is autistic, so that didn't faze me, and so I thought this was a great opportunity for me to gain experience in the field I want to pursue (& as a therapist as opposed to being the patient). The money was good, and the fact that there are very few qualified therapists in Aust for ABA was a definate drawcard. I also just wanted to help this little boy.

I phoned the woman, and she sounded very enthusiastic. Out of 30 people, they interviewed 10 - including me. I was apprehensive about the interview, but I pushed myself because I knew this was definately something I wanted to do. The boy was at the interview, and I was expecting the worst (sitting in a corner, rocking, ignoring everyone). But he was bright, he made eye contact, he followed instructions like 'High 5' and he played with his sister. I decided that I would really like to do this, because the boy could have such a bright, positive future if given the opportunity.

I was then shortlisted to a list of 6 people. They wanted 3, and those 3 were then going to be chosen based on their availability. Today, there was an information session that the 6 of us were supposed to attend. I woke at 7am, and then lay in bed, unable to move. My thoughts were running around everywhere 'how can I get out of this?? get out of bed - you want this! I can't. You can. You really want this opportunity. It's not that hard to roll over, and get out of bed. Could I pretend my friend went into hospital?' Oh- I just realised, typing this out. Every time I think something negative, I use 'I', whereas when I am trying to talk positive to myself, I use 'you'. I can't - you can. Wow, I never ever relaised that. I guess it means something signficant - I'll have to think about that.

I guess I worked myself into a state. I know it sounds weird, but my little fingers started quivering. I also began tapping my feet (yes, even in bed). My little fingers began spasming so much that my hands clenched into tight fists - I have long nails and I now have bruises and marks where my nails dug in. I cried that frustrated, why can't I be normal, cry. This went on for about 1.5hrs, and then I fell asleep from exhaustion (I managed to get my boyfriend to call the people to tell them I couldn't make it, and that I would ring at a later stage - I haven't yet faced that).

For the rest of the day, if something even little started bothering me, my little fingers started dancing. Sometimes I can control them, sometimes not. Does this mean I am going to start having panic attacks everytime something doesn't go my way?

Uni is going really well, I am having a good time at residence, did I just try to do too much too soon? Or will I never be that 'normal' person we all wish to be? I've decided to give up all hopes of working at the moment - I think the added pressure must have something to do with it. I just feel so much like a failure, though. I couldn't even do a simple thing like get out of bed. How pathetic am I?

Hope you are all feeling happy and well.
R

Re: Anxiety Attack? Feeling down (loooooooooong)

Posted by dj on July 23, 2000, at 23:06:42

In reply to Anxiety Attack? Feeling down (loooooooooong), posted by Rach on July 23, 2000, at 11:25:02

> For the rest of the day, if something even little started bothering me, my little fingers started dancing. Sometimes I can control them, sometimes not. Does this mean I am going to start having panic attacks everytime something doesn't go my way?
>

Give yourself credit for getting as far along as you did!! And, consider looking into meditation, yoga, tai chi or something that might help you get more deeply relaxed and conscious of your breathing patterns and body tightening processes as learning to engage those in different ways may prevent such an occurence another time, with practice and self-compassion.

Sante!

dj

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