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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Barna on November 24, 2006, at 7:33:26
I've been in therapy for more than 2 years and I sometimes feel I now go to therapy because I like very much seeing my T and talking to her, this makes me feel good. I think I should terminate therapy but I don't do it because I fear not seeing my T again, and thinking about losing this special relationship makes me sad. Is this something it has to happen? I talked to her once about this and she said that terminating doesn't mean that we are not going to see each other again. I don't know what she meant, but I think I'll "lose" her once our therapeutic relationship is over. It's so sad... I would like a friendship, but I don't know if this will be possible. I am now trying to distance myself from her, but it hurts deep.
Did anyone go through this?
Posted by muffled on November 24, 2006, at 9:36:13
In reply to What to do with termination?, posted by Barna on November 24, 2006, at 7:33:26
Fortunately for me i too f*cked up to terminate?!?!
Termination freaks me too.
Seems many T's allow limited contact after termination.
There has been some good threads on this lately.
If you have a good relationship with your t, I would strongly advise you to talk to your T bout this. It seems to be a process that you prepare for.
I think it MUST help if you have some strong personal relationships built outside of T.
Ethically your T should work towards termination if she is no longer helping you. Perhaps she still thinks there's stuff for you to work on?
It just sucks.
Termination.
Totally sucks.
Just one of those sh*tty things of life.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2006, at 15:24:45
In reply to What to do with termination?, posted by Barna on November 24, 2006, at 7:33:26
She probably means that the door will always be open to you to come back, or send the occasional card. That termination doesn't mean a forever end if you need her again.
More and more therapists aren't seeing termination as final, and are holding the door open if life circumstances change or if you need a tuneup.
I know that the situation often creates a longing for friendship, and in that way I agree that therapy is like getting your heart professionally broken. The boundaries protect us, but they also often lead to pain.
I *am* sorry. I know how much it hurts.
Posted by happykat on November 24, 2006, at 15:30:24
In reply to Re: What to do with termination? » Barna, posted by muffled on November 24, 2006, at 9:36:13
Definitely talk to your T before deciding to terminate. I decided to terminate last month and got the shocking "I can never have any contact with you" speech from my T and it was devastating. I didn't have another one lined up and have no friends/family that I can confide in so it was slightly disasterous. I went crawling back two weeks ago. I'm terribly attached but at the same time I'm angry with her so I'm going to have to either learn to talk these things out with her or find someone else.
Make sure before you quit that you find out what kind of specific contact she allows post termination. My T ran down a list of things including not even acknowledging or saying hi if we run into each other on the street. She said I can drop her a note every now and again if I want but not to expect a reply.
It's disconcerting to go from having a T who is all chummy to basically having her say have a nice life because the moment you walk out that door the relationship is over.
I've spent the last two days pouring over posts on termination, transference and boundaries. There are alot more rules regarding therapy than I ever imagined. Good Luck with your decision!
Posted by Barna on November 25, 2006, at 12:21:20
In reply to Re: What to do with termination?, posted by happykat on November 24, 2006, at 15:30:24
I had therapy yesterday and talked to my T about this. I told her I was thinking about terminating and that I was worried and sad about it. She said I was prepared to end therapy and that terminating didn't mean that we weren't going to see each other again. We talked about attachment and fears. She suggested that the next session was the "final" session. She told me to write about my process in therapy during these two years and she said she would also write something, and we would exchage writings. I cried for a while after hearing "final" session... but I think it is OK, although I don't know how I'll feel afterwards.
Well, I'll let you know about my "final" session. She told me we could meet for a coffee anytime after terminating, or for a session if I felt I needed it... this sounds comforting. Doors open, I guess, as Dinah said.
Thanks for your answers.
Barna
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