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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mair on March 15, 2007, at 21:47:29
Today I met with my T for the first time in about 3 weeks. The first 2 weeks of the break were fine because I was away and I tend to be able to better distance myself from my usual demons when I'm doing something different from the daily grind. This week, however, has been brutal - as soon as I got back to work, I fell victim to all of my worst triggers and I've been spending most of the week telling myself how worthless I am.
I was trying to explain this to my T, but I'm always reticent about giving her examples of the specific things that happen at work to trigger so much negative thinking. So it was pretty obvious to me and to her that I was struggling to give her more specifics and as is typical, I was trying to work myself in the direction of opening up. What came to mind and what I blurted out was that I didn't want to talk about any specific examples of what was happening at work until I knew what her reaction was going to be. This is pretty stupid obviously because it's a little hard for her to react to something which hasn't yet been revealed.
I think sometimes that I'm so convinced that I'm evaluating something correctly, I know that she will view my analysis as being irrational, and I just don't want to be challenged.
What is this? Am I just wallowing in my own misery? Maybe she and I have just been working together for so long that I know exactly how she'll react and it's not what I want to hear. Usually people don't want to hear the critical stuff - I can't seem to handle, or at least accept, the non-critical responses.
mair
Posted by zenhussy on March 15, 2007, at 22:23:16
In reply to I did something strange today, posted by mair on March 15, 2007, at 21:47:29
easier to brace for the critical than to have the non-critical take one off guard and wriggle through to the vulnerable inner person.
Posted by Daisym on March 15, 2007, at 23:31:43
In reply to I did something strange today, posted by mair on March 15, 2007, at 21:47:29
I did some of that myself today -- I knew if I described specific examples of what was upsetting me that he'd point out a pattern of mine -- and he'd tell me he could see why I'd react to the trigger. I think I wanted him to say, "get over yourself" so that I could either argue with him, or agree it was nothing and shove it away. Blah - I hate overthinking stuff!
I'm glad you told her why you were struggling. I think it is great and perhaps the real issue is this, and not the triggers anyway. I also think you are talking about old, old lessons we learn about trusting our instincts. We question all the time how we perceive things because we received lot of messages as a kid that we were wrong in our perceptions.
Anyway -- I hope you have a peaceful weekend and an easier week.
This is the end of the thread.
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